Jokes and Smiles 7

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets,
"Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this.
You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes.
I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Subject: Church Gossip

       Sarah, the Church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the
Church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. 
Now several members were unappreciative of her
   activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

       She made a mistake, however, when she accused George,
   a new member of being an alcoholic, after she saw his pickup
   parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

       She commented to George and others that everyone seeing
   it there would know what he was doing.  However, George, a
   man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked
   away. He didn't explain, defend or deny--he said nothing.
   However, how fitting it was that later that evening, George
   quietly parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house and left it
   there all night.......

Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
Albert Einstein

If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!

 Where is God?

      In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers,
  8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous.
  Whenever something went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned
  out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end
  trying to control them.

      Hearing about a Minister nearby who worked with delinquent
  boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the
  Minister to talk with the boys.  The father agreed.  The mother
  went to the Minister and made her request.  He agreed, but said
  he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone.

      So the mother sent him to the Minister. The Minister sat the boy
  down on the other side of his huge, impressive desk.  For about
  five minutes they just sat and stared at each other.

  Finally, the Minister pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked
  "Where is God?"
  The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all
  around, but said nothing.
  Again, louder, the Minister pointed at the boy and asked,
  "Where Is God?"
  Again the boy looked all around but said nothing.  A third time,
  in a louder, firmer voice, the Minister leaned far across the
  desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked

     The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older
  brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the
  closet, where they usually plotted their mischief.  He finally said,
  "We are in B-I-I-I-I-G trouble now!"  The older boy asked, "What
  do you mean, B-I-I-I-I-G trouble?"  His brother replied, "God is
  missing and they think we did it."

Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say,
   "Good morning, Lord,"
and there are those who wake up in the morning and say,
"Good Lord, it's morning."

When a man told the clergyman he disapproved of organized religion,
the latter assured him that his was the most disorganized one available.
Victor Solomon